In the Final Hour: Rabbit Wins!

It’s still a mystery to me how poor Rabbit managed to leap ahead, after lagging behind, and win Red Adept's Eulogy Contest, but I’d like to thank everyone who voted for any of the eulogies. The competition was tough! 


REMINDER: Rabbit’s funeral will be held today, and his dear friend, the Energizer Bunny, will officiate. I’m sure Rabbit would be touched to know you came.


The assignment was: Write a eulogy for a character in your book. Rabbit plays a minor (but important) role in my collection of short stories Dating My Vibrator (and other true fiction). All this notoriety for Rabbit reminds me of the play Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead--just proves, as soon as someone keels over, we finally appreciate their value. A reminder to all of us to appreciate what we have!


Who knew Rabbit's demise would generate such profound thought...  Anyway, here's the eulogy:


Today, I say good-bye to the deceased, my dearest, most intimate friend. When we met, I was recently divorced, lonely, bereft. I needed someone, desperately, on whom I could rely, someone to connect with deeply—willing to plunge the depths of me. Then you showed up, signed, sealed and delivered. One touch and, instantly, I responded. You were a mover and a shaker, better than any man I’d ever known. You came on strong and filled the void my ex had left. But now, in the hour of my greatest need, I must say adieu. I blame myself for your death. I blame myself for ignoring you, for not paying attention. I could tell you were run down, over-worked, exhausted. But I thought only of my selfish needs and continued using you. Now I suffer for your loss. Nothing in this life is really guaranteed. No matter what they claim, you are not replaceable. Now, as I lay you in this box, preparing to return to your maker, I say goodbye to the friend who never let me down—until today, when I burnt out your battery. You will be missed, dear Rabbit.